In this post, we’re going to delve into Amber Smith’s compelling novel, “The Way I Used to Be,” a story that captures the profound effects of trauma and the journey of recovery. We’ll begin with a summary of the book then we will cover the key characters and conclude with some thought-provoking quotes from the novel.
The Way I Used to Be Summary
“The Way I Used to Be,” by Amber Smith is a powerful exploration of a young woman’s journey through trauma and healing. The novel follows Eden McCrorey, a high school freshman whose life is shattered when she is raped by her brother’s best friend, Kevin.
Initially a studious and compliant teenager, Eden’s world is thrown into chaos by the assault. Unable to confide in anyone, she carries the weight of her trauma in silence, leading to a profound transformation in her personality and behavior.
Smith’s narrative spans Eden’s four years of high school, each year forming a distinct section of the book. As Eden grapples with her trauma, we witness its far-reaching impact on her relationships, choices, and self-image. Once-cherished activities like band practice become sources of anxiety, while her friendships and family dynamics grow increasingly strained.
In her sophomore and junior years, Eden turns to risky behaviors such as casual sex and alcohol as coping mechanisms. These choices, while destructive, serve as both rebellion against her trauma and misguided attempts to reclaim control over her life.
A glimmer of hope emerges in Eden’s senior year through her friendship with Josh, whose kindness and understanding help her begin to confront her pain. This marks the start of a challenging but crucial journey towards healing.
The novel climaxes with Eden finally breaking her silence about the assault. While this disclosure doesn’t instantly resolve her struggles, it represents a significant step in her recovery process.
“The Way I Used to Be” is a raw and honest portrayal of trauma’s lasting effects, adolescent struggles, and the complexities of healing. Smith’s narrative powerfully illustrates both the devastating impact of sexual assault and the resilience of the human spirit.
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The Way I Used to Be Characters
“The Way I Used to Be” by Amber Smith introduces several pivotal characters that shape Eden’s life and journey. Here are the main characters:
- Eden McCrorey: The protagonist of the novel, Eden is initially a compliant and good-natured high school freshman. However, after suffering a traumatic experience, she undergoes a dramatic transformation, becoming rebellious, self-destructive, and increasingly isolated.
- Kevin: Eden’s brother’s best friend, Kevin is initially presented as a charismatic, older figure that Eden has a crush on. However, he becomes her rapist, and his actions have a profound and devastating impact on Eden’s life.
- Caelin: Eden’s older brother and Kevin’s best friend. He is a protective figure in Eden’s life, but his close relationship with Kevin adds to Eden’s inner turmoil and isolation.
- Mara: Eden’s best friend since childhood, Mara becomes more distant from Eden as Eden’s behavior changes dramatically in the aftermath of her trauma.
- Eden’s Parents: They are initially seen as loving and caring, but Eden’s changing behavior and their inability to understand her suffering contribute to the growing gap between them.
- Josh: A kind and understanding boy Eden meets in her senior year. Josh’s friendship helps Eden to face her pain more directly, offering her a source of comfort and hope.
These characters play a significant role in Eden’s journey through trauma, recovery, and self-discovery in “The Way I Used to Be”.
The Way I Used to Be Quotes
Here are some interesting quotes that capture the thematic essence of the Way I Used to Be:
- “I don’t know who I am right now. But I know who I’m not. And I like that.” ― Amber Smith, The Way I Used to Be
- “He’s not the hero and he’s not the enemy and he’s not a god. He’s just a boy. And I’m just a girl, a girl who needs to pick up her own pieces and put them back together herself.” ― Amber Smith, The Way I Used to Be
- “All you have to do is act like you’re normal and okay, and people start treating you that way.” ― Amber Smith, The Way I Used to Be
- “I hate that just because you happen to be good at something,people automatically think that’s what makes you happy,but it’s not really like that, you know? It’s not that simple.” ― Amber Smith, The Way I Used to Be
- “. And I really wonder how people get to be normal like this. How they just seem to know what to say and do, automatically.” ― Amber Smith, The Way I Used to Be
- “All these maybes swimming around my head make me think that “maybe” could just be another word for hope.” ― Amber Smith, The Way I Used to Be
- “I don’t know how long I lay there afterward, telling myself: squeeze your eyelids tight, just try to forget. Try to ignore all the things that didn’t feel right, all the things that felt like they would never feel right again.” ― Amber Smith, The Way I Used to Be
- “Because, in my heart, I know, I’m not who he thinks I am. Not even close. And he’s not who I want him to be, either.” ― Amber Smith, The Way I Used to Be
- “I close my eyes again, but it’s all I can see, all I can feel, all I can hear. His skin, his arms, his legs, his hands too strong, his breath on me, muscles stretching, bones cracking, body breaking, me getting weaker, fading. These things. It’s all there is.” ― Amber Smith, The Way I Used to Be
- “There’s a brief moment of silence for what we’ve lost. And in that moment, it ends. Finally. The past of us officially comes to an end.” ― Amber Smith, The Way I Used to Be
- “I cover my eyes. I’m crying with my whole body and all I want to do is disappear. I feel his hand hesitate, hovering over my back, then rubbing awkward circles, and then his fingers in my hair. If he’s saying anything, I don’t hear.” ― Amber Smith, The Way I Used to Be
The Way I Used to Be Book Club Questions
Here are some book club discussion questions for “The Way I Used to Be” by Amber Smith:
- Eden’s Transformation: How does Eden change from her freshman to senior year of high school? What are the key factors driving these changes?
- Role of Silence: How does Eden’s silence following the rape affect her life? What does the book say about the power and consequences of silence in the face of trauma?
- Impact of Trauma: Discuss how the trauma of the rape impacts Eden’s relationships with her family, friends, and herself.
- Coping Mechanisms: Explore Eden’s different coping mechanisms throughout the novel. Do they help her or hinder her recovery process?
- Role of Friendship: How does Eden’s friendship with Mara change over the years? What role does Josh play in Eden’s life and recovery?
- Eden’s Family: How does Eden’s relationship with her family evolve throughout the novel? In what ways do they fail to support her, and why do you think that is?
- Theme of Resilience: How is the theme of resilience depicted in the novel? What are some key moments that highlight Eden’s resilience?
- Narrative Style: How does the author’s choice of telling the story over four years (high school) impact your understanding of Eden’s experiences and her development?
- Breaking the Silence: Discuss the significance of Eden finally breaking her silence about the rape. How does this moment impact Eden and the trajectory of the story?
- Ending: What are your thoughts on the ending of the novel? How does it reflect on Eden’s journey and her future?