In this post, we’re going to delve into Amber Smith’s compelling novel, “The Way I Used to Be,” a story that captures the profound effects of trauma and the journey of recovery. We’ll begin with a summary of the book, setting the stage for a deeper understanding of Eden McCrorey’s transformative high school years following a traumatic sexual assault. As we journey through Eden’s life, we’ll meet key characters who shape her experiences and impact her path to healing.
Moreover, we’ll explore some thought-provoking quotes from the novel. These quotes are windows into Eden’s soul, offering us a glimpse of her internal struggles and evolving perspectives. They serve as poignant reminders of the novel’s themes and the emotional depth of Eden’s character.
Finally, we’ll engage in a stimulating discussion by posing several questions. These questions are designed to spark conversations about the complex themes of trauma, resilience, and transformation presented in the novel. Whether you’re reading this as part of a book club, for educational purposes, or just out of personal interest, these questions aim to deepen your understanding of the novel and its impact.
The Way I Used to Be Summary
“The Way I Used to Be” by Amber Smith is a poignant, raw exploration of the aftermath of sexual assault on a young woman’s life, as she attempts to navigate the tumultuous waters of high school and her own maturation.
The novel begins with Eden McCrorey, a freshman in high school, who is known for being good, compliant, and studious. She enjoys playing in the school band, her relationship with her family is comfortable, and she has a harmless crush on Kevin, her older brother’s charming best friend. However, her idyllic existence is shattered when Kevin rapes her, throwing her world into chaos and forever changing the trajectory of her life.
Overwhelmed by the pain and confusion of her assault, Eden can’t bring herself to confide in anyone about what has happened. Consequently, her silence becomes an isolating burden. As she strives to bury the incident, Eden begins to change, her cheerful, obedient demeanor giving way to anger, rebellion, and self-destructive tendencies.
[Related: Suicide Notes Summary]
The narrative follows Eden over four years of high school – each year chronicled in a separate part of the book. We see Eden’s continuous struggle with her trauma, which shapes her relationships, choices, and self-perception. The once joyful band practice turns into a dreaded activity, her cherished friendship with Mara gets strained, and her dynamic within her family becomes increasingly fraught.
Throughout her sophomore and junior years, Eden adopts a series of risky behaviors, including casual sex and alcohol, as a means of coping with her internal torment. Her choices, often misguided, serve as a form of rebellion against her trauma and the identity it forced upon her. However, these behaviors also push her further into isolation.
In her senior year, a new friendship with a kind and understanding boy named Josh provides Eden with some hope and solace. His acceptance and care pave the way for Eden to start confronting her pain more directly. It’s a slow, uphill journey, but Eden gradually begins to see that she might have the strength to reclaim her life.
The climax comes when Eden finally breaks her silence. Although this does not magically fix everything, it represents an enormous step in her healing process and offers a sense of closure. Eden’s tale ends on a hopeful note, highlighting her resilience and the power of survival.
Photo: Amazon
“The Way I Used to Be” is a potent story of trauma and survival, capturing the deep cuts of Eden’s experiences, but also her tenacity and strength as she navigates the challenges of adolescence, the heartbreaks of first love, and the process of healing and rediscovery.
The Way I Used to Be Characters
“The Way I Used to Be” by Amber Smith introduces several pivotal characters that shape Eden’s life and journey. Here are the main characters:
- Eden McCrorey: The protagonist of the novel, Eden is initially a compliant and good-natured high school freshman. However, after suffering a traumatic experience, she undergoes a dramatic transformation, becoming rebellious, self-destructive, and increasingly isolated.
- Kevin: Eden’s brother’s best friend, Kevin is initially presented as a charismatic, older figure that Eden has a crush on. However, he becomes her rapist, and his actions have a profound and devastating impact on Eden’s life.
- Caelin: Eden’s older brother and Kevin’s best friend. He is a protective figure in Eden’s life, but his close relationship with Kevin adds to Eden’s inner turmoil and isolation.
- Mara: Eden’s best friend since childhood, Mara becomes more distant from Eden as Eden’s behavior changes dramatically in the aftermath of her trauma.
- Eden’s Parents: They are initially seen as loving and caring, but Eden’s changing behavior and their inability to understand her suffering contribute to the growing gap between them.
- Josh: A kind and understanding boy Eden meets in her senior year. Josh’s friendship helps Eden to face her pain more directly, offering her a source of comfort and hope.
These characters play a significant role in Eden’s journey through trauma, recovery, and self-discovery in “The Way I Used to Be”.
The Way I Used to Be Quotes
Here are some interesting quotes that capture the thematic essence of the Way I Used to Be:
- “I don’t know who I am right now. But I know who I’m not. And I like that.” ― Amber Smith, The Way I Used to Be
- “He’s not the hero and he’s not the enemy and he’s not a god. He’s just a boy. And I’m just a girl, a girl who needs to pick up her own pieces and put them back together herself.” ― Amber Smith, The Way I Used to Be
- “All you have to do is act like you’re normal and okay, and people start treating you that way.” ― Amber Smith, The Way I Used to Be
- “I hate that just because you happen to be good at something,people automatically think that’s what makes you happy,but it’s not really like that, you know? It’s not that simple.” ― Amber Smith, The Way I Used to Be
- “. And I really wonder how people get to be normal like this. How they just seem to know what to say and do, automatically.” ― Amber Smith, The Way I Used to Be
- “All these maybes swimming around my head make me think that “maybe” could just be another word for hope.” ― Amber Smith, The Way I Used to Be
- “I don’t know how long I lay there afterward, telling myself: squeeze your eyelids tight, just try to forget. Try to ignore all the things that didn’t feel right, all the things that felt like they would never feel right again.” ― Amber Smith, The Way I Used to Be
- “Because, in my heart, I know, I’m not who he thinks I am. Not even close. And he’s not who I want him to be, either.” ― Amber Smith, The Way I Used to Be
- “I close my eyes again, but it’s all I can see, all I can feel, all I can hear. His skin, his arms, his legs, his hands too strong, his breath on me, muscles stretching, bones cracking, body breaking, me getting weaker, fading. These things. It’s all there is.” ― Amber Smith, The Way I Used to Be
- “There’s a brief moment of silence for what we’ve lost. And in that moment, it ends. Finally. The past of us officially comes to an end.” ― Amber Smith, The Way I Used to Be
- “I cover my eyes. I’m crying with my whole body and all I want to do is disappear. I feel his hand hesitate, hovering over my back, then rubbing awkward circles, and then his fingers in my hair. If he’s saying anything, I don’t hear.” ― Amber Smith, The Way I Used to Be
The Way I Used to Be Book Club Questions
Here are some book club discussion questions for “The Way I Used to Be” by Amber Smith:
- Eden’s Transformation: How does Eden change from her freshman to senior year of high school? What are the key factors driving these changes?
- Role of Silence: How does Eden’s silence following the rape affect her life? What does the book say about the power and consequences of silence in the face of trauma?
- Impact of Trauma: Discuss how the trauma of the rape impacts Eden’s relationships with her family, friends, and herself.
- Coping Mechanisms: Explore Eden’s different coping mechanisms throughout the novel. Do they help her or hinder her recovery process?
- Role of Friendship: How does Eden’s friendship with Mara change over the years? What role does Josh play in Eden’s life and recovery?
- Eden’s Family: How does Eden’s relationship with her family evolve throughout the novel? In what ways do they fail to support her, and why do you think that is?
- Theme of Resilience: How is the theme of resilience depicted in the novel? What are some key moments that highlight Eden’s resilience?
- Narrative Style: How does the author’s choice of telling the story over four years (high school) impact your understanding of Eden’s experiences and her development?
- Breaking the Silence: Discuss the significance of Eden finally breaking her silence about the rape. How does this moment impact Eden and the trajectory of the story?
- Ending: What are your thoughts on the ending of the novel? How does it reflect on Eden’s journey and her future?
Final thoughts
Throughout the novel, Eden’s high school journey is marked by a profound transformation, shaped by the harrowing experience of rape and the heavy cloak of silence she wraps herself in afterwards. This silence reverberates through her deteriorating relationships and coping mechanisms, some of which offer temporary relief but ultimately hinder her healing.
Eden’s friendship with Mara provides a contrasting narrative of change and support, while Josh’s role in her life becomes a testament to the power of understanding and patience. The family dynamics evolve as well, exposing their shortcomings in supporting Eden, and underscoring the complex familial response to trauma.
Eden’s resilience, a central theme, is painted across moments of quiet strength and culminates in her breaking the silence, a pivotal act that recharts the course of her life. The narrative, spread over four years, allows us to witness the gradual, painful, but hopeful metamorphosis of a survivor. The ending leaves us contemplating the long-term effects of trauma and the bittersweet taste of personal growth and recovery.