Sexuality is a complex and intricate topic that often elicits strong emotions and opinions. For some, sexuality is akin to pandora box that should not be opened at all costs. Our sense and perspective of sexuality is deeply shaped by the cultural traditions and societal norms we were brought up in.
As a social constructivist, I strongly believe that sexuality is much more than simply biology and anatomy, it is a social construction. Sexuality constructs and is constructed by people’s lived experiences, their beliefs, and their sense of identity.
Our perspective on sexuality may differ from one to another, but what we should not differ on is the right to be sexually different and live our lives according to the sexual orientation we want and not one imposed on us by society, religion, or any other source of authority real or hypothetical.
In this post, I want to take you on an enjoyable reading journey into the realm of sexuality. I curated for you some of the best books to help improve your sex life. This collection is based on several several expert sources (see sources at the bottom of the post) and is part of a series of posts featuring best sex education books.
The purpose is to provide you with quality resources that can help you develop a better understanding of the concept of sexuality. From exploring the complexities of sustaining desire within long-term relationships to understanding how media images shape our expectations, these sexual books provide valuable insights into navigating physical and emotional intimacy.
Featuring works by renowned authors such as Peggy Orenstein, Paul Joannides, Esther Perel, and Amia Srinivasan, this list provides an invaluable opportunity to dive deep into the fascinating world of sex. So if you’re looking for a thought-provoking read on sexuality, here are some of the best sex books of all time!
Related: Best Sex Education Books Youth
Sexual Books to Improve Your Sex Life
Here are our top picks for sexual books to improve your sex life
1. Come As You Are: The Surprising New Science That Will Transform Your Sex Life, by Emily Nagoski
In Come As You Are, Emily Nagoski offers readers an accessible and informative guide on how to create a sex life filled with confidence and joy. Through groundbreaking scientific research, the book reveals that the most important factor in sexual wellbeing is not anatomy but feeling—including stress, mood, trust, and body image.
2. Ace: What Asexuality Reveals About Desire, Society, and the Meaning of Sex, by Angela Chen
Angela Chen’s Ace explores the concept of asexuality and how it affects people. Through interviews with diverse asexual people, Chen examines the misconceptions around this sexuality and encourages readers to rethink pleasure and intimacy. In doing so, she reveals the struggles faced by asexual people, from confusion around sexual activity and identity to navigating different needs in relationships.
Ace is an eye-opening exploration into what it means to be asexual in today’s world, and how this can reveal truths about our understanding of desire, society, and sex. It helps to break the stigma around asexuality, while also celebrating the breadth of sexuality and queerness. With its honest and vulnerable accounts from aces across the world, this book is sure to challenge readers to rethink their assumptions about pleasure and intimacy.
3. More Than Two: A Practical Guide to Ethical Polyamory, by Franklin Veaux, Eve Rickert
More Than Two by Franklin Veaux and Eve Rickert is an invaluable resource for those navigating multiple relationships. Written with frankness, humor and without judgment, the authors draw on their own experiences as well as those of the wider polyamorous community to offer practical advice for managing this lifestyle.
From the importance of communication and transparency to the complexities of jealousy and insecurity, Veaux and Rickert provide readers with a set of tools for making informed decisions about their relationships. They also discuss the many relationship options available in polyamory, from V-shaped hierarchies to open networks, as well as exploring the myths that surround the lifestyle.
At the heart of More Than Two lies a crucial message; that ethical polyamory is about relationships and individuals. The authors emphasize that it’s not always easy but with hard work, communication and trust, multiple happy, strong and enriching relationships are possible and that you can be in control of your own journey.
4. Love Worth Making: How to Have Ridiculously Great Sex in a Long-Lasting Relationship, by Stephen Snyder M.D.
Love Worth Making by Stephen Snyder M.D. is an award-winning guide that provides readers with the hidden rules necessary for having great sex in a committed relationship. By drawing upon Dr. Snyder’s thirty years of experience as a sex therapist, this book provides a deep understanding of the obstacles and solutions necessary for improving sexual relationships.
5. Becoming Cliterate: Why Orgasm Equality Matters–And How to Get It, by Dr. Laurie Mintz
Becoming Cliterate by Dr. Laurie Mintz takes a deep dive into the cultural and historical roots of the pleasure gap between men and women when it comes to achieving orgasm. Dr. Mintz explains that much of this gap can be attributed to our misunderstanding of female sexual anatomy and the belief that penetration is the primary means of achieving orgasm. In this book, she offers an in-depth understanding of female sexual anatomy, combined with proven techniques for cliterate sex.
6. Pleasure Activism: The Politics of Feeling Good, by adrienne maree brown
Pleasure Activism: The Politics of Feeling Good, by Adrienne Maree Brown, is a mindset-altering exploration of how pleasure can be used as a powerful tool for social justice. Drawing from conversations and insights from other feminist thinkers such as Audre Lorde, Joan Morgan, Cara Page, Sonya Renee Taylor, and more, brown offers readers a global exploration of the idea that pleasure is integral to healing our world.
Through personal stories, interviews with activists and scholars in fields ranging from cllimate justice to disability justice and healing justice, Pleasure Activism offers its readers an approachable path towards transformation.
7. So Tell Me About the Last Time You Had Sex: Laying Bare and Learning to Repair Our Love Lives, by Ian Kerner PhD LMFT
So Tell Me About the Last Time You Had Sex by Ian Kerner is a comprehensive guide to understanding and improving our sex lives. The book looks at a recent sexual event in detail and helps readers identify any potential issues that might be causing lack of pleasure or intimacy.
Dr. Kerner provides tools and techniques to assess, fix, and expand our sex scripts, as well as discuss common sexual problems that can make it more difficult for couples to have a satisfying experience. He also draws from decades of clinical insight, the latest sexual science and research, valuable homework assignments, case studies, and more to help readers develop nuanced understanding of their sex lives.
8. The New Male Sexuality, by Bernie Zilbergeld
The New Male Sexuality, written by Bernie Zilbergeld, is a comprehensive guide to help men enhance their sexual desire and arousal. The book provides readers with a wealth of knowledge from the author’s two decades of experience as a psychologist specializing in human sexuality. In addition, it also draws on the research and insights from other experts in the fields, as well as the stories and experiences of Zilbergeld’s clients.
The New Male Sexuality offers readers practical advice and guidance on how to cultivate a more fulfilling and enjoyable sex life. It emphasizes pleasure rather than performance, offering tips for both men and their partners on how to keep things exciting and satisfying.
9. Sex for One: The Joy of Selfloving, by Betty Dodson
Sex for One: The Joy of Selfloving, by Betty Dodson, is an eye-opening book that challenges the longstanding taboos around masturbation. Through her straightforward and appealing guidebook, Dr. Dodson shows how everyone can learn to make love alone without feelings of guilt or loneliness. She reveals masturbation as a satisfying and vital form of sexual expression, and explains why it is sexually and spiritually fulfilling for both men and women.
The book also provides tips on how couples can learn to share masturbation as a sensual treat, deepening their connection by understanding each other’s sexual responses. Sex for One offers an inspiring message that self-loving is not just for times in-between lovers or for social misfits, but rather something that should be embraced and celebrated as the joyful love affair each of us has with ourselves throughout our lives.
10. Sex Up Your Life: The Mind-Blowing Path to True Intimacy, Healing, and Hope, by Julie Archambault
Sex Up Your Life is a book that offers readers an in-depth exploration of the meaning and significance of sexuality within our lives. Written by holistic educator Julie Archambault, it contains real-life stories and interviews from people from all walks of life, including sex workers, bisexual Muslims, corporate jet-setters, transgender individuals undergoing gender reassignment, and many more.
11. Yes Means Yes!: Visions of Female Sexual Power and a World without Rape, by Jaclyn Friedman, Jessica Valenti
Yes Means Yes! by Jaclyn Friedman and Jessica Valenti is a book on the cultural shift from “No Means No” to an affirmative consent model (“Yes Means Yes”). Featuring contributions from authors such as Kate Harding and Jill Filipovic, this book explores how educating people on the value of female sexuality and pleasure can lead to changing our views on women, and ultimately ending rape.
The book dives into topics such as teaching men to be respectful partners in sexual encounters, encouraging both genders that women are allowed to enjoy sex without shame or judgement, and creating an environment where rape is rare.
The authors also provide thoughtful advice on how to create a world where sexual assault is not tolerated, by providing steps for engaging in consent-based sex and educating others on this new paradigm of affirmative consent.
12. Tongue Tied: Untangling Communication in Sex, Kink, and Relationships, by Stella Harris
Tongue Tied by Stella Harris is a comprehensive guide to better communication for all types of sexual relationships. Written from the perspective of an experienced coach and educator, the book provides readers with straightforward advice on how to identify their needs, conquer any fears, and feel positively empowered.
13. Sex Without Stress: A couple’s guide to overcoming disappointment, avoidance & pressure, by Jessa Zimmerman
Sex Without Stress by Jessa Zimmerman is a book that provides couples with the tools they need to address and overcome the sexual difficulties that may arise in relationships. The book helps readers understand the root causes of these problems, reframe their mindset and perspectives on sex, and use an experiential process to improve their sexual connection with their partner.
14. Queer Sex: A Trans and Non-Binary Guide to Intimacy, Pleasure and Relationships, by Juno Roche
Queer Sex by Juno Roche is an empowering and necessary collection of frank, funny, and poignant first-hand accounts discussing sex, desire, dating, gender identity and sexuality. These conversations celebrate the potential of trans bodies while pushing society’s boundaries on gender, sexuality and relationships.
This collection includes interviews with leading figures from the trans and non-binary community such as writers, activists, artists, sex workers and health professionals. Juno Roche provides thoughtful commentary and insight throughout the book in order to challenge prejudices while inspiring readers to explore their own concepts of intimacy and sexuality.
15. Beyond Satisfied: A Sex Hacker’s Guide to Endless Orgasms, Mind-Blowing Connection, and Lasting Confidence, by Kenneth Play
Kenneth is an Asian immigrant with an average-sized penis who lived most of his early life with crippling sexual insecurity. Determined to overcome this anxiety, he dedicated his life to studying the complexities of academic sex research, exploring the mysteries of Tantra, immersing himself in the forbidden world of BDSM, and even joining the lustful chaos of underground sex parties.
In Beyond Satisfied, Kenneth shares the sex hacking secrets he’s successfully taught millions of men. Far from just another “find her clitoris” guide, Beyond Satisfied distills hard science and hands-on experience into techniques that any man can successfully put into practice.
In this book, you will learn how to:
- Overcome performance anxiety like a world-class athlete
- Fulfill her naughtiest fantasies—by understanding her erotic mind
- Curate a ninety-minute orgasmic experience
- F**k like a beast with any size penis
- Help her experience squirting for the first time
16. Guide To Getting It On, by Paul Joannides
“Anyone who says “Why does a book on sex need a new edition?” needs to throw away their flip phone. Today’s young adults are the first generation who began watching the most explicit porn in history on their phones in Middle School. They have very different expectations and needs from a book on sex, and those needs are changing as rapidly as technology is changing.
There have been hundreds of studies done in the past four years on everything from female orgasms to how semen influences a woman’s immune system to not kill sperm. You’ll find it all in this new edition of The Guide. And the new chapter on consent will hopefully do a much better job of helping you understand what consent is and isn’t than Title IX with its strange little slogans.”
17. Mating in Captivity: Unlocking Erotic Intelligence, by Esther Perel
Mating in Captivity: Unlocking Erotic Intelligence is a book by Esther Perel offers an innovative approach to understanding intimacy and sex. The book delves into the complexities of sustaining desire within long-term relationships, while also providing insights into how to make sex more exciting, playful, and poetic. Through case studies and an engrossing discussion, Perel reveals how to discover the hidden potential of our relationships. The book focuses on creating connection within a relationship beyond just physicality. It highlights the importance of maintaining space and mystery in order to cultivate passion, rather than routine.
18. Right to Sex, by Amia Srinivasan
Right to Sex, by Amia Srinivasan is a thought-provoking and insightful book that delves into the complexities of sex and its relationship with gender, class, race and power. Through her expert analysis and adept arguments, Srinivasan argues for a new framework for discussing sexual justice that goes beyond the confines of consent.
The book is an exploration of the possibilities for creating a sexually liberated future, where pleasure and ethics can exist in harmony. This work is invigorating, poetic, and deeply insightful – offering readers an invaluable opportunity to explore the oft contentious dialogue surrounding sex. It is an essential read for anyone interested in advancing sexual justice and creating a more equitable society.
Final thoughts
The books I’ve listed above are like GPS units, guiding you through topics that range from understanding gender and orientation to fostering intimate connections and self-love. They not only offer expert views but also challenge societal norms and push us toward more holistic understandings of what it means to be sexually human. And while some of us may come from different schools of thought when it comes to understanding sexuality—whether you lean toward constructivism like me or have other perspectives—these resources offer a common ground, encouraging all of us to consider the kaleidoscopic nature of human desire. Feel free to debate, discuss, and most importantly, discover.
